No More Mommy Wars

So, the headlines and news channels have been buzzing with interviews and stories covering the "Mommy Wars". It's been getting special attention during the political season with references to "stay-at-home" moms and "working" moms and differences, similarities & comparisons that supposedly place value on the two. It's crazy. I certainly hope that, as mommies, we are beyond being at war with each other and that this is only a war about others' (shall we say outsiders'?) opinions. In other words, I hope that today's Mommy Wars are about protecting the reputation of all moms rather than pinning those who stay at home and those who work against each other.

I've had many conversations about the two different roles, the struggle many go through in deciding, and the sadness that comes with the lack of being able to decide while forced into one mom role or another. I'm glad I made the choice to be a mom and had no idea that I'd have any internal struggle with the choice between which "kind" to be. I never knew the angst that leaving for work would bring with a beautiful baby to be left in the care of someone else (no matter how stellar she is). I never dreamed I would even consider not working after finishing two degrees and taking out my share of stduent loans (while my two shares, really). I also never truly knew (though never doubted) the WORK that goes in to caring for a child.

The mommy roles are still seperated into two categories: "stay-at-home" or "working". Neither of these terms is really appropriate anymore. As moms, we're all working and far more than the traditional understanding of full-time. To separate us into full-time and part-time moms would be equally misrepresenting because you're a mommy all the time even if you're not the one directly caring for your child. The most approriate term I've come across for a working mother is one who "works outside the home", but what does that leave for stay-at-home moms. How often do moms really stay at home when caring for kids non-stop? Perhaps, briefly during the baby stage but after that, they're running around to activities, errands, etcetera. Manager and CEO of (insert home address) Inc.? Perhaps. . .

We all have our own reasons for the choice we make about whether or not to work outside the home. There are personal pros and cons to both with reagrd to every family member's effectedness. For many of us, it's the financial impact first and foremost. Speaking of the financial factor, that brings me to another point.

Parent magazine shared a poll finding that over half of working moms feel guilty about the time they miss with their child(ren) and over half of moms at home feel guilty about not contributing to family fanances. Really? "Not contributing"? Savings on the cost of child care is just the tip of the iceberg. There's likely gas savings (no commute), often grocery savings (you have more time to coupon-clip and bargain-hunt at home, right), and many moms are finding other ways to add financial gains to their time at home (sales opportunities and caring for other children for example). Those are the financial contributions which can't possible take into account the advantages offered to the children and the entire family from such a decision. So this is shout-out to all the moms who are at home with their kids-you are valuable in both concrete and in immeasurable ways!

And to those mommies not at home feeling a bit of that mommy guilt, I have no great words of advice. I'm only mostly at peace with my own circumstances working outside my home and away from my little man. The only shout-out I've got for you: I'm with ya! Obviously, I think about this topic quite a bit to spend my lunch at work writing about my decision to be here whilst thinking about the spoon-feeding mess I'm currently missing out on followed by the snuggle during a bottle and the finger-crossing for a solid hour or two nap that SHOULD follow!

Mommies Unite! No more wars amongst ourselves devaluing one role over another. We all need support as mothers and the RIGHT choice is the one that is best for your family. There is a SUPERWOMAN in all of us!